In the crime shows I’ve been watching, things culminate into worst case scenarios and long drawn-out scenes of broken pool cues and smeared mascara. A Rottweiler lies down in the snow to die with the prostitute he swore to protect. Around here, all that happens is I wait until four to nap and then have to listen to the family below get home and clomp around like a drunk fourteen year-old in a tube top and clogs. A whole family made up of multiple copies of the same drunk girl and her sad feathered hair.
I should put more beautiful words to this. I should say, the near October light through blinds. Or just, I have a proto-human growing in my abdomen. He weighs a little more than a can of Coke.
Yesterday was cracked and somber, and I made my way uptown, seeking out any odd moment to be weird and gentle after a bummer of a rough morning. Then I lay in a darkened room while a Caribbean lady jabbed a sonogram wand at me to get Peanut to pose right. He acted pretty put out. I wanted to cry. The screen on the wall showed the bones and snow. The beautiful part is that everything’s fine.
I’ve been off coffee, and much of my life is a slow movie on an art gallery wall. You climb into a room with pillows on the floor and watch it all swim around. You are in love with someone you just met, who’s lying there, too. You barely touch, but you’re also the same person. Part of the movie is a tiny spine, tiny kidneys. A four-chambered heart. Look at all the wonder.